Delayed gratification
It is a universal belief that indulging in the immediate pleasures of food, sex, and fighting without limit leads to a low-quality life. That’s why nearly every religion, from Christianity to Islam, promotes delaying gratification as one of the highest human virtues.
Delayed gratification refers to resisting the temptation of an immediate reward to obtain an improved reward in the future. It’s about sacrificing a little satisfaction today to increase your quality of life tomorrow. It’s about being able to trade happiness today for more happiness in the future.
Most choices related to delaying gratification fall into one of five domains: food, physical pleasure, social interaction, money, and achievement.
Delayed gratification is when you skip dessert.
Delayed gratification is when you save money.
Delayed gratification is when you trade a little discomfort now for more comfort later.
In 1972, a Stanford professor named Walter Mischel published a study known today as The Marshmallow Experiment. In the experiment, children were offered a choice between one marshmallow right now or two marshmallows if they waited for fifteen minutes while the researcher left the room. Some ate the first marshmallow right away, some waited a few minutes, and a few managed to wait the entire time. Researchers recorded results and followed each child for over 40 years. The study found that children who were able to wait for the second marshmallow tended to have better outcomes in terms of academic success, relationships, physical health, and mental health.
Delayed gratification is essential for sustaining success in health, relationships, work, and life. It’s a way to serve your future self, and it can help you achieve your goals faster.
But delaying gratification is hard. We’re wired to seek instant gratification, especially when it comes to food, water, sex, and security. It’s no surprise that most of today’s big societal problems point to a lack of delayed gratification: rising consumer debt, increased drug addiction, worsening mental health, and higher obesity levels.
Delayed gratification is not all about self-control and willpower. It also depends on trust. Because future rewards are not guaranteed, delaying gratification carries risk. It’s only rational to delay rewards if you have confidence you will receive something better in the future. If the future results are in doubt, opting for immediate gratification may make more sense.
The good news is that delaying gratification is a skill, and you can train yourself to become better at it. The key is to recognize that your experiences, emotions, and environment affect your ability to delay gratification.
When you experience insecure relationships, you’re less likely to trust others, making it harder to delay gratification. So, surround yourself with trustworthy people and invest in those relationships.
When you’re emotions are out of control, your desire to feel better can override rational decision-making. So, avoid making impulsive decisions when you're emotional.
When you’re in an unsafe or unstable environment, it’s nearly impossible to delay gratification. So, try to live and work in an environment that feels safe and secure.
Have thoughts on this topic? I'd love to hear from you! I'm @RickLindquist on Twitter.